Ticking Away Seconds
by TreacleTart301
Summary: "Lily. I know you're in here. Please, just give me a chance to explain." My heart stops. Not him. Not now. I just want peace and quiet.
The smell of mothballs hits my nose, reminding me slightly of my grandmother's closet. I inhale deeply, imagining for a moment that I am once again a child, playing between her dresses and coats. The rays of light that sneak through the stacks of forgotten Hogwarts relics mimic the way light would shine through the crack between her closet doors. The only thing missing is the sound of her rustling around in the kitchen, making me a meal for whenever I decided to stop hiding.

Today is one of those days where I don't want to stop hiding though. Not even a meal from my grandmother could coax me from this room. I just want to pretend like the morning never happened, like James never tortured Sev, like Sev never called me that horrible name. I just want to leave it here in this room, abandoned with all of the other lost things.

I drag my fingers over different objects as I walk, leaving a trail of stripes in the layers of dust. I can see little clouds of powder rising all around me. I accidentally inhale some of it which makes my nose itch uncontrollably. I sneeze with the force of lava exploding from a volcano. Even though no one is in the room with me, I look around as if I've interrupted something important. The weight of the air seems to be resting heavy on my shoulders, suffocating me with its refusal to move.

I pause in front of a large grandfather clock, listening to it tick away the seconds. The sound of every second passing reverberates through the silence. Suddenly, I hear a noise in the area of the door. I freeze like a deer in headlights, waiting to hear if someone is indeed present or if it was just the creaking of this old room. After a few moments, I decide that it was the latter of the two and continue my exploration. I've just made it to the end of a very long aisle, when I hear another noise, this time closer to me. I pause to listen. "Lily. I know you're in here. Please, just give me a chance to explain." My heart stops. Not him. Not now. I just want peace and quiet.

Looking around, I notice a space between a cabinet and a stack of books to my right. Quickly, I tiptoe towards them and attempt to slip into the hidden space. As I am attempting to hide, I accidentally bump one of the books causing the entire stack to come crashing down. I panic realizing that he will certainly have heard it. I might as well have just shouted out my exact location. Rustling to my left tells me that the pursuit is over. Today I will get no respite from my frustrations.

"Lily. There you are. Why didn't you answer me when I called you?" I pick up notes of mild annoyance in Sev's voice. His face is flushed and sweat is beading on his neck. He looks as if he just sprinted up every stair of every corridor on the way here.

"Because I don't want to talk to you. Can't you just leave me alone?" I try my best to sound mean, but in my own head it sounds more like a little girl whining.

"Look Lily, what I said earlier, it was wrong. I was embarrassed, humiliated even. It just popped out. I didn't mean it."

"Oh. It just popped out did it?" I can't believe the words I'm hearing. He should know better than to try this with me as if I'm foolish enough to put stock in his empty words.

"That's right. It just popped out." Sev sputters. I can see the cogs in his mind turning rapidly, trying desperately to find the right words. It's a pity for him that the right words don't exist.

"Funny, that is, since you would call any other muggleborn a mudblood without hesitation. I don't quite understand why I should be any different" Cold fury is sweeping through my veins. We've been friends for years. He was the first person to introduce me to the world of magic. We dreamed about the day we would finally make it to Hogwarts and now that we're finally here, I've come to find out that he thinks me beneath him. What a fool I was to believe he could've ever cared for me.

"Lily…come on. It was because of Potter. He got under my skin."

"Like bloody hell this had to do with Potter. I hear you with Avery and Mulciber, repeating all of the lies that Lucius Malfoy force fed you. They're no good and you're a bloody fool if you can't see it!"

For the first time, I see anger flash in Sev's eyes. "They are no worse than James Potter, Sirius Black, and all of their admirers…"

I cut him off before he can finish. "You're right! James and Sirius are utter prats! I agree, but they aren't my friends. I don't follow them around hero-worshipping them. I don't mimic their beliefs. You on the other hand, have completely sold yourself out to your Death Eater friends. For all of the pretending you do, I know who you are Severus. You're a half muggle, which means your blood is almost as filthy as mine in their eyes." I'm just steeling myself to continue on, when I feel my entire body freeze. My legs and arms snap to my sides. It seems that Sev has once again shown his prowess at non-verbal spells. Unable to move, I stare daggers at him.

Sev takes a step forward speaking in what could barely be called a whisper. "Lily, I'm trying to be reasonable with you, but you won't seem to listen. I've apologized repeatedly, explained why I said what I said, and practically begged you to forgive me, but you seem intent on believing me a monster, so let me try it this way." He pauses, sorting out what he wants to say, inhaling deeply before he continues. "I have had a terrible life as you well know. My parents have at best been neglectful. Until I met you, I had no idea what kindness was. The afternoons we spent running through the fields are the only joyous memories I have of home. You and you alone have been what has gotten me through some of my darkest moments. All of these years, I've loved you Lily Evans. I've never said it, but I've certainly felt it. I've wanted so badly for you to be mine, to proudly parade through the school hand and hand with you, but whether you've noticed it or not, you've certainly ignored it. Now, here we are. Our lives seem intent on dragging us down different paths, but you should know, I would've gladly given up my lonely path to walk yours with you. Think of me what you will, but know this Lily, I will never stop loving you."

If I wasn't frozen, I'm not quite sure how I would react. Maybe with surprise? No. This isn't really a surprise. A part of me has known how Sev felt for a long time. Maybe with sadness and regret? Regret for what might've been had he not chosen his current path. I'm not quite sure. Part of me wants to believe there's still some part of him left in the darkness that I recognize. Part of me wants to believe that my love would be enough to pull him from its clutches, but deep down I know it's far too late.

Sev takes another step forward, reaching his hand out towards me. He caresses my cheek gently with his fingertips, brushing away the hair that has fallen into my face. His eyes wander over me, consuming the image before him as if it's the last time he'll ever see me. Ever so gently, he leans in, moving his face close to mine.

I panic realizing that he intends to kiss me. Frozen to my place, I am unable to protest as his lips meet mine. It is a sweet, gentle kiss, similar to the ones I have been hoping for all of these years, except that it tastes of sadness and loss.

Sev steps away, looking into my eyes. I can see little bits of gold fleck in his onyx black eyes. His hand slips from my face and he utters two simple words. "Goodbye Lily." He turns and walks away, his shoulders shaking slightly as he goes.

I stay frozen for a long time. The grandfather clock is the only witness to my sorrow, ticking away the precious seconds. By the time the spell releases me, I know that Sev is long gone and that I'm not meant to chase him. He has chosen his path and I have chosen mine.

* * *

 _Hi there!_

 _This story was originally posted on HPFF for The Gryffindor Valentine's Day Challenge 2015. The prompt I was given was to write a Marauders era story that included a first kiss gone wrong and a grandfather clock. This is what I came up with!_

 _I'd love to know what you think of it, so please feel free to leave a comment!_

 _Thanks for reading!_

 _~Kaitlin/TreacleTart_


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